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Essays In Love

Essays In Love

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We easily equate intimacy with a license — we care out of good intentions, we become judgmental of the false notes the other party shows, and ultimately, rosy beginnings end bloody. A refreshing, holistic approach to relationship issues that are familiar to everyone's experience in love, giving an understanding uncommon in many self-help books. Francine Prose, New Republic 'Witty, funny, sophisticated, neatly tied up, and full of wise and illuminating insights. It is my absurdist side that an absurdist person will draw out of me, and my seriousness that a serious person will evoke. It may be a sign that two people have stopped loving one another (or at least stopped wishing to make the effort that constitutes ninety per cent of love) when they are no longer able to spin differences into jokes.

I also think that the resentment we feel for our lover (who is holding us back from dating others) is terrifying. There’s an essay on how uncomfortable it can be to disagree with a lover’s taste in shoes and a lengthy discussion about the role of guilt in love. I do the same and I didn’t realise it was a thing everyone did (again, I need to force this book onto someone to DISCUSS).I was astounded that de Botton was only twenty-one when he wrote this book because, wow, the amount of maturity and insight this book has.

I am generally quite good with silences–as in, I don’t mind just sitting or walking in silence with someone. De Botton discusses the role of beauty in a relationship and how we tend to see our lovers as beautiful even if others may not necessarily agree. Nevertheless I enjoyed the book, I think the fruit of it's use will become more apparent when I next have a relationship, it's certainly a book that stays with you. It's a book that contains moments of high humour and accurately depicts the frustrations, confusions, joy and desolate despair that only romantic entanglement can bring.Desperate needs bring about a hallucination of their solution: thirst hallucinates water, the need for love hallucinates a prince or princess. It is one of the ironies of love that it is easiest confidently to seduce those to whom we are least attracted. The Subtext of Seduction” and “ Authenticity” discuss our desire and frustration with our worthiness, “ Marxism” on our fear of being loved back (“ how soon their attractions might pale if they began to love us back! And there’s also something kind of sobering about how a person you cared SO deeply about no longer will have that big an impact on you because it’s the case vice versa too, you no longer have that deep impact on them. I oscillate a lot between the two until I come to a sort of acceptance that nothing will ever happen and kind of sort of move on–which is, indeed, what happens to the narrator.

There’s less of a chance to make a fool of yourself (or at least be aware of how foolish you sound) because you didn’t intend on furthering that relationship anyway. I didn’t think neurotypical or those without mental health conditions resorted to such thoughts too. Sure, my self-esteem is close to non-existent (lol) but it’s interesting how I immediately blame myself in such situations rather than relaxing as I generally do with people I’m comfortable with.Like, sometimes, I like to be prodded for information and other times I just want you to shut up and I don’t want to have to SAY that because that just means you don’t understand me! We can only be somewhat shocked-how can they be as wonderful as we had hoped when they have the bad taste to approve of someone like us? All writing about love is, to a certain extent, subjective, but in this case I find it hard to relate to De Botton's thoughts, feelings and reactions because they are so different from my own experience, which is not of relationships where there are major rows and patchings up, but of a greater degree of tolerance and compromise leading to a smoother ride, even through break up (although the pain of break up is not to be underestimated! I mean, prior to this book, I thought indulging in such thoughts was a surefire way of diagnosing an unhappy relationship. In the oasis complex, the thirsty man images he sees water, palm trees, and shade not because he has evidence for the belief, but because he has a need for it.

The most attractive are not those who allow us to kiss them at once [we soon feel ungrateful] or those who never allow us to kiss them [we soon forget them], but those who coyly lead us between the two extremes. That made me want to realign my goal for beauty (which is, currently, stuck in an Audrey Hepburn-esque body) to being associated with warmth and kindness and comfort. Through the ordinary story of two young people, who met on an airplane from Paris to London and fell in love soon after, De Botton went into extraordinary depth in analysing the nuances, the emotional swings, the sweet and sour we all identify in a relationship.

The sulker is a complicated creature, giving off messages of deep ambivalence, crying out for help and attention, while at the same time rejecting it should it be offered, wanting to be understood without needing to speak.



  • Fruugo ID: 258392218-563234582
  • EAN: 764486781913
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